happy new year!!

something to think about as we head into 2004...

goody goody...

...i think i've discovered a way to host my own goddess barcode. my new isp gives me 10mb webspace and i've put the barcode up from there. let me know if you can't see it - i can see it in the preview screen. ooh, i'm all excited now that i might be able to post other little pictures and things!!!

a lovely day spent shopping with em and her little man who is now 10 weeks old and weighing in at a healthy 6kgs. he is very cute, even if he did cry when he saw me - poor baby... i bought a new shower curtain - how exciting!

meeting mrs jane for a movie tomorrow - master and commander - go russ!

too late to link, i'm off for my beauty sleep - i need it tonight 8)

i'm losing track of what day it is...

that must mean i'm entrenched in holiday mode!! yeah!! not so lazy witch finally did the housework today... still finding little velours to vacuum off the carpet...

went to see 'love actually' with miss e today. i don't recommend you see this film if you are single and sick of it... too much loveydovey and too many gorgeous men - hugh grant, colin firth AND liam neeson. even billy bob thornton looked damned hot! i could happily spend the rest of my life with any or all of them 8) forced to choose just one, i think colin would win, sorry hugh... mmm... maybe we could work out some sort of timeshare arrangement... if only stuff like that could happen to real people in real life (like me...) guess who's sick of being single???

miss e brought me back a very cute present from her christmas break - a ladybird keyring filled with cherry lipgloss and some beaded bracelets to bring me love and money. she's already provided the happiness with the lucky elephant. i've said it before and i'll say it again, she is a treasure and i wish everybody could have a friend as good as her.

(cheating here by coming back after midnight to add MONDAY madness, not tuesday tardiness...)

1. List three words to describe yourself. susan, single, searching
2. List three words to describe your job. talk, talk, talk
3. List three words to describe your computer. old but works

good night. need my beauty sleep as i'm off early to visit miss em and her little man!

aahhh, sunday, lazy sunday...

it's official - i am the laziest witch in the world. i have spent most of today on the web, with a short intermission to lie on the couch and watch 'the royal tannenbaums' (during which i did not find anything to laugh at...). i will return there shortly to watch 'the best bits of the late show' - both dvds borrowed from my 22yr old nephew, who it seems is a boy with good taste. not only does he read iain banks books and have 'queens of the stone age' in his cd collection, he also has 'the panics - a house on a street in a town i'm from' - i'm sorry i ever said you were a geekboy, you're actually pretty cool...

had a fun conversation with the head jester in london, chatted with ray in NC, discussed project management with colorado tim and had a very involved deep & meaningful conversation with john in virginia (yes, there is a santa claus...). miss em got a few words in also - will visit her on tuesday to see how much her beautiful little man has grown. also had a quick chat with supreme goddess suzikb (was that you lurking around my wee bloggy, for over an hour, earlier tonight??) - love your guts, girl!

miss e has returned from her christmas trip to the ancestral home - we will meet for a movie tomorrow (after this lazy cow has done the housework) - we'll probably see 'love actually' and save 'lotr:rotk' for an early morning session.

another day to be thankful for those who choose to step inside my circle of friends, new and old.

anyway, enough of the insane rambling, here are some unconscious mutterings:

1. Seeker:: judith durham
   
2. Mirror:: mirror, on the wall
   
3. Fire:: men - mmm... firemen...
   
4. Goblet:: elliott
   
5. Empty:: promises
   
6. Secrets:: and lies
   
7. Defense:: department of
   
8. Hatchet:: job
   
9. Vapour:: vicks vaporub
   
10. Ministry:: of sound
    

3 days away has left me confused...

...i forgot to do a proper entry in my wee bloggy about yesterday (not that much happened). i need retraining...

got train home from the 'burbs - a little over an hour so that was a nice quick escape.
opened miss e's christmas gifts - a gorgeous lucky elephant and a book about elton john. she is such a treasure.
had a many hours long conversation with colorado tim and made him blush - sorry 8)
watched lord of the rings : the two towers - now i'm ready for the big event!
was lazy and had pizza delivered for dinner (haven't done that for ages - can live off the leftovers for a few days...)

more later...

a little untweak...

...back to my favourite shades of violet, although the tree can stay, i'll just make it a jacaranda...

home sweet home...

ahhh... it's over and i'm back in my own little space in this world. the circus was not too bad this year. slept most of christmas day and had family lunch at big sister's house on boxing day. visited jj&j on boxing night. it is a very odd feeling to spend time with family and friends and feel that you just don't fit in. it makes being home again so much better.

was most annoyed with myself on wednesday - took great care to select 25 of my favourite cds and filled my little cd carrier & then left my portable cd player at home... so after 3 days of withdrawals from decent music (my opinion only, i don't expect you to agree with me...) i'm spending the day listening to duran duran, 10cc and all the other crap 80s stuff that i love soooo much 8-)

the circus draws closer...

met up with the lovely cg today. we had a good gossip and giggle session.

had dinner with h.o. and m.r. (who brought back some lovely chocolat from paris for me - nice suprise). k.b. just happened to be in the same place, so of course i had to have a gentle flirt with him. we ended up walking down to chinatown and having an ice cream at passionflower - bloody delicious.

another day when i must be thankful for the fabulous friends that have stood by me through the fun times and more importantly, through all the crap times.

off to the family circus tomorrow, so little blogging will be done between now and saturday.

if you happen to drop in and have a look about, i hope you have/had a merry christmas!

now for some fun: 2nd good thing found here, liked it, borrowed it (again...) the challenge here is to take your favorite band, and describe yourself using titles to their songs. i'll let you work out the band from the answers below (hint: the answer is on this page already...)

Are you a male or a female?
crystal
How old are you?
primitive notion
Describe yourself:
confusion
How would other people describe you?
someone like you
What is your mood right now?
temptation
Describe your main interest:
subculture
How do you feel about yourself?
in a lonely place
Describe your childhood:
run wild
Where are you?
shellshock
Where would you rather be?
bizarre love triangle
Describe how you live:
dreams never end
Describe how you love:
true faith
Describe what you want:
slow jam
What can't you live without?
the perfect kiss
What enrages you?
ultraviolence
Describe your career of choice:
way of life
What do you look for in the opposite sex?
truth
How do you see yourself dying?
chosen time
Share a few words of wisdom:
everythings gone green
What do you think of this thing?
every little counts

stupid dodos

i lost access to the world wide whatever last night and after connecting could not do anything or go anywhere 8-( the same thing was happening this morning, so called my alleged service provider and all they wanted was a call back number - would not even answer a simple question. after the grief their accounts department has given me i decided that hasta la vista was the best course of action. baby g's parents were telling me about their isp over breakfast on sunday (it's the same one i was originally with [and happy with] before being seduced by the low cost charms of the other) and i've now returned to the warmth of their embrace - i've even signed up with them for telephone service and i will end up spending less - bonus!!

anyway, enough blethering...

had christmas dinner and a good gossip with mrs jane last night. she gave me the cutest beaded ladybird coin purse for my chrissy gift. she is very good at finding useful ladybird items.

interesting, if somewhat devilish conversation with bertie made a very nice ending to another wasted day.

yesterday's belated word would have to be deforestation and the number is 10

more later.

return of the goddess...

...just as the soul deep happiness has returned, so has the goddess within ...a million thanks to my friend mike, the irrational blogger, who has kindly offered to host my goddess barcode. go look at his site and say hello!!!

i forgot to mention this in last night's post... i was chatting to tim in colorado yesterday, howling along to 10cc which i was playing really loud and suddenly started too smile uncontrollably. the delirious happiness is back and i'm glad. and no, i'm not manic depressive, i just have long moments of bad tempered grump and then the happiness comes back. c'est la vie...

christmas catch ups...

breakfast this morning with baby g and her parents and some other friends at uliveto's in kings cross. really nice hot chocolate.

dinner with miss e tonight. prawns, salad, some wine and a bit more wine. we then went up on the roof and played with some sparklers. watched "bridget jones's diary" while eating mince pies and lusting in unison over hugh and colin *sigh*

received two gifts from miss e but have to be patient and wait until thursday to open them... she said i can eat the shortbread (home made by the real scottish lassie herself...)

today's cd playlist - all played very loud, just because i can...
trax australian made vol I & II - just the good stuff - dear prudence, a little ray of sunshine, sweet sweet love, the real thing, because i love you, eleanor rigby, one
black the sun - alex lloyd
iris (cd single) - goo goo dolls
a rush of blood to the head - coldplay
greatest hits - duran duran - because i just cannot help myself
the very best of 10cc - what a blast from the past. needed to hear something different and found this lurking in the cd rack. heaven...

good night...

i can sleep in tomorrow 8-) - double heaven...

she's talking to herself again...

this week's unconscious mutterings...

1. Exchange:: stock
   
2. Parental Advisory:: explicit lyrics
   
3. Blowout:: tyre
   
4. Spider:: shiver
   
5. Happy:: right now - the delirious is back 8-)
   
6. Intense:: frowning
   
7. Corrupt:: politicians
   
8. Got:: to have it...
   
9. Crude:: oil
   
10. Three:: dog night
    

ha ha ha ha ha...

found this here (via blogsnob)... considering last night's dvd viewing, it is very relevant and will make the next dvd viewing very amusing...

wasted day number one...

totally wasted saturday. it is sunday as i post this... got up early (8.30am), despite my desire to sleep really late. surfed the web till my everything ached. talked to lots of online friends, old & new. spent 4 hours horizontal on the couch watching 'lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring', with time out for a nap in the middle... as usual, i started crying when boromir took the first crossbow bolt and didn't stop until the very end... will watch 'the two towers' sometime in the next few days - all in preparation for the biggest movie event of the year!!!

listening to: robbie williams - the ego has landed & duran duran greatest hits

a little tweak...

...to show that my middle names are not ebenezer, scrooge or grinch...

merry christmas...

yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

two weeks of not having to do anything unless i really want to do it... bliss...

got up way too early this morning so that i could dye my hair red/black before going to work. decided to continue the colour theme and wear my beautiful jewel red velour cardigan, that i bought in london, to the christmas party. forgot what a mess it makes as all the lovely little velours fall off and leave a trail of red fluff everywhere i go...

christmas party was a shocker. too damned hot, too crowded, too noisy, indifferent food, the bar tab ran out at 7.30pm and worst of all, playing bad jennifer lopez songs does not constitute latin music... miss em's flu was no better 8-( so she didn't join us. just as miss e and i were leaving, it was announced that the call centre had won the christmas decoration competition (yeah!! go team!!) and suddenly the bar tab was reopened but it was not worth staying - was home by 9.30pm...

going off to bed now and intend to sleep as late as possible tomorrow...

word of the day is prudence and the number is relevant...

young at heart...

a very interesting day. a 22 yr old man (boy?) has contacted me through a dating site that i am registered on... is a 20 year age difference legal? he likes 'older' women and i will admit that i have always had a weakness for men younger than myself... i must say i am flattered but i doubt even i could go that young... oh well, the ego is feeling very shiny...

only one more day at work and then i'm off for two whole wonderful wasted workfree weeks... and the bonus is that tomorrow i will spend the majority of the day in a training course, followed by the company christmas party in the evening!! hopefully miss em will be well enough to be there. will send her flu-be-gone wishes out via the universe...

no cd's today as i have had the pleasure of miss e's company on the bus to and from work today. she is a treasure and i recommend that everybody should have a friend like her.

today's word is fiscal and the number is square.

good night...

maybe...

...i was premature in thinking i might have made the biggest mistake of my life on sunday. it appears that i am the only one who is getting worked up about it. every one else is just pleased for me... oh well, i might as well join them. it was a wonderful moment in my life, and i will still do what needs to be done but will not get myself into a state of total depression/distraction.

feeling much better this week. the gloom of the last few weeks is lifting, the bad angry mood is still popping up occasionally but it is not so dominant. christmas is still a major cloud on my horizon, but i am determined to get through it without too much drama this year.

i must remain grateful and keep reminding myself, that unlike my family, i can choose my friends and i have been very wise in my choice of the most fabulous circle of love and support a girl could ever need or want... luckily, friendship expands to embrace all that step into the circle.

still listening to new order - i can't get enough of this...

thank you and goodnight...

nine layers

found this here... liked it, borrowed it

it will do for tonight's post...

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: susan fay
-- Birth date: 24th june, 1961
-- Birthplace: harris park nsw australia
-- Current Location: randwick nsw australia
-- Eye Color: brown
-- Hair Color: currently washed out purple with original dark brown and old woman grey growing back... have a nice loreal 'rich red black' to put through this week...
-- Height: 165cm or thereabouts
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: cancer
LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: australian with scottish/irish and alleged spanish, west indian
-- The shoes you wore today: red sandals and new flip flops
-- Your weakness: chocolate & men
-- Your fears: everything
-- Your perfect pizza: mushrooms, mushrooms, mushrooms and a bit of cheese
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: get my life together (getting closer...)
LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: ?? don't use aim... don't even know what aim is...
-- Your first waking thoughts: is it saturday?
-- Your best physical feature: eyes
-- Your most missed memory: what?
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: vanilla coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King: burger king (hungry jack's here in oz)
-- Single or group dates: single
-- Adidas or Nike: neither (no logos...)
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: yuk, neither. english breakfast tea, freshly brewed
-- Chocolate or vanilla: both
-- Cappuccino or coffee: mocha or macchiato - no instant
LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: not any more except when i drink too much...
-- Cuss: all the fucking time...
-- Sing: yes, but not very well - i don't let it stop me...
-- Take a shower everyday: every single day and sometimes twice a day
-- Do you think you've been in love: yes
-- Want to go to college: no
-- Liked high school: no
-- Want to get married: no
-- Believe in yourself: most of the time
-- Get motion sickness: no
-- Think you're attractive: bloody gorgeous
-- Think you're a health freak: no
-- Get along with your parent(s): sometimes
-- Like thunderstorms: love them
-- Play an instrument: no
LAYER SIX: In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: yes
-- Smoked: yes
-- Done a drug: no, unless you count paracetamol and codral cold & flu tablets
-- Made Out: yes
-- Gone on a date: yes
-- Gone to the mall?: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: never eaten an oreo and don't plan to
-- Eaten sushi: yes
-- Been on stage: no
-- Been dumped: no
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: yes
-- Stolen Anything: no
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes, strip uno
-- If so, was it mixed company: yes
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
-- Been caught "doing something": yes
-- Been called a tease: no
-- Gotten beaten up: no
-- Shoplifted: yes - aged about 13 - a pair of cheap earrings from a kiosk in bankstown square. was convinced for weeks that i would get caught out. never wore them.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: no
LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: next question...
-- Numbers and Names of Children: next question...
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: next question...
-- How do you want to die: naturally, quietly, painlessly
-- Where you want to go to college: i don't
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: um, don't know. will tell you when i grow up
-- What country would you most like to visit: italy/france/uk again. mauritius, spain, south america eventually
LAYER NINE:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 4
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: not many
-- Number of CDs that I own: too many
-- Number of piercings: 4 - ears only - twice each
-- Number of tattoos: 1
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: once
-- Number of scars on my body: too many
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: no point regretting

word of the day is clarity

bugger...

i don't know what else to say... i may have made the biggest mistake of my life tonight. will ponder and question and do what needs to be done. life certainly is a bloody roller coaster...

a genuine 22 dog day - helped along by the 14 adorable pups in the pet shop at beastgardens... i love my own games - i can make up the rules as i go along... managed to get through 3 hours of shopping without losing my temper, despite the imbeciles who believe that stopping dead at the top of the escalators is a good thing... bought some sandals that i don't need, but boyoboy did i want them...

blah blah blah, i'm off to bed...

i've been speaking in tongues...

i might as well offer up some unconscious mutterings...

1. Warning:: sign
   
2. Aspirations:: desires
   
3. Starvation:: hunger
   
4. Lid:: put a lid on it...
   
5. Sketch:: mud map
   
6. Interrogate:: questions
   
7. Credit:: maxed
   
8. Scotch:: bonnet
   
9. Confused:: dazed &
   
10. Paris:: heaven
    

hahahahahahahaha

this has cheered me up sooooo much - mmm... about that 2nd tattoo - um, no, i don't think so...

6 days to go...

...and i will be on holidays and then before i know it, christmas will be over!!! yeah!!! have the 3rd instalment of lord of the rings to look forward to as well...

went to see "l'auberge espagnole" with miss e today. a freeby - courtesy of filmink magazine. not bad, not what i thought it would be but lots of pretty young things to perv upon. missed the hoo-haa of robbie williams at vhq while watching the movie. speaking of robbie, miss e went to see duran duran at the enmore last night. i'm sooooo jealous. if i'd had a lazy $100 that needed spending i would have been there too. played their greatest hits extremely loud today to make up for it...

after the movie, we came home and had kfc for dinner while watching nigella's christmas bites... very odd...

good night

back from wherever...

have not been in any mood to blog lately. not in any mood to do much of anything.

need to work out a way of getting the goddess barcode back on the screen... looks like the previous generous offer of hosting has been revoked... oh, well - that's life. not feeling particularly goddessy so i guess it's appropriate that it's missing right now.

have dragged my grumpy butt out twice this week. thursday night's festivity (call centre team dinner) involved going to a greek restaurant in surry hills and being charged more than was quoted and not being allowed to byo despite the website and the menu on the door of the place saying it was allowed... the staff were rude as well. the lamb was delicious, but i don't recommend that you go there.

last night was the company social club christmas trivia quiz/party. free booze, free food and our team won. what more could a girl ask for?

see ya...

descent into hell...

well, what a week. i know it's christmas that is causing it. i know i can't change anything other than my own responses to other people's behaviour. i cannot change them or their behaviour. i have choices that i will exercise if/when necessary. i will get through this, but this year it has to be different. i will not play the game.

blogging as therapy was never the original intention here, there is another blog out there in the ether for that, but just as is it creeping into my real life, it is creeping in here.

anyway, a 15 dog day is always a good sign. interesting conversations and visions coming from all corners of the globe. heading back to what constitutes normal, happy susan. see you soon.

word of the day is webcam and the number is 15.

moody monday

a little better today. a rather quiet day for a monday.

miserable bowling effort tonight. 3 games under average (112, 86 and something not worth recording...) no more until early february - by then i'll have to learn it all over again...

8 o'clock starts this week so early nights are required.

still listening to substance by new order

still grumpy

whatever...

the mood has been down for far too long... hope it gets better soon...

a lot of muttering going on so here are this week's unconscious mutterings...

1. Blizzard:: thredbo
   
2. J:: unmentionable
   
3. Control:: out of
   
4. Blood:: trickle
   
5. Mysterious:: life
   
6. Annoying:: people
   
7. Throat:: deep
   
8. Condom:: forget
   
9. Search:: seek
   
10. Heartfelt:: thanks
    

oh dear,

i really should stay away from the computer when i drink that much... i was obviously very diligent about typing correctly. was only going to have one drink and then go home. newcastle is not going to happen. the furthest i intend to go right now is back to bed...

oops...

...another day being pissed off with the world at large...

4 ciders, 1 glass of sauvignon blanc, 4 shots of tequila (with lemon and salt) and possibly 5 gin and tonics and hello, here i am, making sure i remember to cross my eyes and dot my ts... now i'm just pissed... ha ha ha...

might even go to newcastle with miss e tomorrow, if i wake up in any fit state to survive a two hour plus train trip. ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!

i doubt it very much...

i'm getting in early this year - fuck, i hate christmas.

grrrrr!!!

no better today, in fact, worse. luckily for the customers, i spent the better part of the day in a ps146 compliance training session. i could not wait for the day to end.

an awesome storm came through in the afternoon. wanted so much to get out in it and just stand in the middle of george street and let it pelt down around me.

did some christmas shopping with miss e on the way home and then had a few g&ts at her place - very calming.

came home to yet another letter, addressed to 'the householder', from yet another collection agency trying to track down the guy that used to live here 3.5 years ago (who i've never met). instant uncalm... they made a mistake sending that in a week when i'm in an ugly mood to start with. called them up and the bitch who answered the phone would not tell me the name of the company so she copped a mouthful from the better bitch (*me! - evil grin*). i don't think i will hear from them again, but if i do, i will report them to FICS - i still have the letter... that will fix the fuckers.

had msn conversations with my niece and with miss em which has calmed down again.

i am blessed. thank you to the people who love me, despite that incandescent streak of anger that glows without warning. thanks also for the 12 dog day bestowed upon me - i really shouldn't bitch so much...

still listening to new order - substance disc one - nice and dark - just what i need.

again, words fail me and numbers are just numbers.

good night.

angry little beastie

...today i had a bad angry mood happening. so much stuff is shifting about and last night's session with jt shifted a whole lot more. once i realised the source of the mood, it slowly lifted (but not entirely...) it made it very hard to be nice to my customers...

the return to the new order obsession is possibly related to the mood - their music was much more soothing that anything else i've listened to lately.

no interest in words or numbers right now. good night.

confusion reigns...

...the universe has stepped in again and moved all the landmarks and signposts. after last night's 'hell is other people' rant, i hear from someone who could easily be heaven... i think i'll just hop on board and enjoy the ride.

after a dismal start, it turned out to be a ten dog day, with bonus points for the pug and the most gorgeous, tiny, white puppy that was enjoying a walk up oxford street.

i've found my christmas spirit and bought a $10 christmas tree from the supermarket (60cm high, with tinsel, decorations AND coloured lights!!) and it's happy sitting on a santa-papered box under the window. there are more coloured lights around the window frame. bah humbug...

after a sarah mclachlan morning, i needed something with a bit more edge tonight, so have reverted to the original obsession - new order/get ready - great stuff.

the word is cage, the number is 00:36:00

good night.

aaarrrggghhh!!!...

...that feels better. i just had to have another blogscream. jean paul sartre had the right idea - hell is other people... i give up.

bowled just below average - 121, 100, 119 - we got 6 points. the league ends next week - we'll end up in 4th place which is good, considering we were last in the previous season.

have reverted back to the sarah mclachlan obsession... she finally ousted the panics from my cd walkman this morning. needed solace.

today's word is honesty and the number is...