Saturday, October 29, 2005

things since thursday

a bit of a blah happening... i'm blaming it on hormones but there may be more to it - my mind is still processing the internal stuff that is going on.

today i am just plain sad and a little bit teary. my mother's neighbour's 22 year son killed himself last night. i don't pretend to have known him well, but he and his mum spent a few christmas breakfasts with us. i do know that he was very kind to my parents; mowing their lawn and looking out for their house whenever they went on holidays. he appeared to have everything going for him but he obviously found some reason not to continue. i grieve for his mother and for a young life cut short. if you have some love to spare, please send it on to his family.

(i ummed and ahed about posting this but i became brave thanks to a recent catboy post about feeling things and knowing it is perfectly ok to feel them. that is something i have always struggled with. even after so many years of working on allowing myself to feel, i still hold back.)

apart from that, life does go on... i have:
  • bought a bunch of $5 roses

  • done a few more hours of overtime.

  • discovered some flowers on my african violet

  • spent a worrying amount of time chatting online and on the phone with mr kim. i say worrying because he seems to have gone back to where we started and i know he is still mr unreliable and i know he will disappear again soon enough. there is just something about him that it is soooo likable.

a 0 thursday, an 11 friday & a 13 saturday, which is 80% of the RTDDHA. a bazillion bon(e)us points for hearing zac the dalmation having a bark while talking to mr kim on thursday night.

music to my ears
the back room : the editors
cuttings : the editors
singles : new order
the best of : new order
tourist : athlete
vehicles & animals : athlete
funeral : arcade fire
vega 95.3

i found this somewhere a while ago. good advice for all...

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee replied simply, "The one you feed."